The King There In His Beauty

2003-02-13T16:01:00.000-05:00

And If the Music Starts Before I Get There...

Spring has arrived and I missed her quiet entrance. Her entourage chose to first visit the music building – stopping somewhere between the choral and the trumpeter. Perhaps she wanted to listen quietly before the crowds stormed about her with cameras and borrowed quotes proclaiming her magnificence. Perhaps she was searching for inspiration between the notes. However, she is now here and will not be able to maintain solace much longer.

Today brought the sunbeams so intense that it made me question why I was wearing my habitual black scarf. It lit up our sole downtown street with such intensity that I suddenly realized I had never really looked at the buildings before and I’ve lived here all my life. Some are European styled with weak green shutters reminding me of southern France. Others have oversized windows like a crowed mantle place recalling colonial America. Then there are ugly modernist facades thrown between the cracks of our forgotten history. The sun was so intense that it seemed to erase the grime of time past and my cheeks began to forget the meaning of winter’s chill.

Upon my return to the library, I heard an ancient motor above my head. I glanced up and the was a 1930’s era biplane as red as midsummer field of strawberries, but no one else seemed to see or hear anything unusual. An apparition of my grandparents’ generation was above my head as my generation kept their noses to the grind. Bumping shoulders with the crowd, I lowered my eyes while questioning their blinders until I glanced at my feet and found shriveled squirrel - most likely it was unable to find shelter during one of Winter's vicious storms and now it lay before me with skin pulled so taut that my eye could trace each and every bone. Once again here was death before me, but again the crowd saw nothing unusual.

My grandfather could feed squirrels. He would pour peanuts into his palm and they would come one by one and pull them from his hands. I tried once, but I must have been too young and the squirrels would only stare from afar. My grandfather had the knack, however, and they would always come. Years later I discovered that he had trained one single squirrel. I had mistakened that this one squirrel was actually a whole lot of squirrels, but somehow - even with this misunderstanding - the magic lives on.

The airplane then turned and circled over campus once again – death at my feet and generations circling overhead. The crowd still presses close, blinded to life’s harshness but also life’s solemn beauty, but these I must see. It was never a choice. Something in me is programmed to stare in the face of mystery and I can escape neither the soaring nor the heartache, so once again I escape silently into these brick halls with a last glance towards the Spring’s glistening on a blushing piece of tin.

This is it folks – the ending of one stage and a beginning of another.

I’ve been debating closing down shop and have decided it is for the best. I have begun writing in the old method again – with pen and inkwell – and I feel like this is the right method for now. It has been fun while it lasted and maybe I will begin again one day. I’ll still be around. Please feel free to email and I’ll try to continue haunting all of your various blogs and journals. If you are desperate to continue reading posts, I do have a journal on my main site that I try to update about once a month.

Thanks for stopping in so frequently and for responding so kindly. Hopefully, we shall meet again.

Farewell.

2003-02-03T10:44:00.000-05:00

The World's Coolest Kids

We have the coolest kids at this church plant. There is a nineteen month old who lives life in a constant musical - he sings more than he talks and he's always dancing. A four year old who lives life very seriously and is quite content to sit on the sofa with the adults and give all the twenty-somethings hidden identities. I was a mirror. I think someone else was a chair. Her sister is around eighteen months and she just lives in her own world. Last night, I met two apple cheeked boys. The three year old sat in the bushes saying, "Bye. Bye. Bye." as we were leaving. And his brother, also a young toddler, let me tickle him while his eyes shone and his mouth shrieked. And from what I hear there are more coming! Quite a good bunch, I must say.

2003-01-31T10:46:00.000-05:00

Some Things You'll Never Guess

Today I was reading while waiting for my bus - VW's diaries since I've recently begun to experiment with reading one book at a time. Another lady came to wait and looked at me with my book and stated, "Oh, I inputted Virginia’s Diaries a long time ago, but nothing ever came of them. They are still on disk." She then told me that she also inputted her letters. I didn't understand what she meant and asked her to clarify. Turns out she had created a concordance of the two which I believe is wonderful. I'm only halfway through with volume one and I am already having trouble locating passages I would like to re-read and they are too delightful to pause and write notes in pencil.

On another note, somehow I have imprinted in my subconscious that animals speak French. "Je sais t'as faim mais attendre!" (I know you're hungry but hold on!) I don't know why. At least it forces me to practice.

And yet another note, after all this talk of Gadsby's Hymns (OK, all this talk in selected circles) I have sudden fallen under their spell. How did church music fall to its current state? I mean, I can trace the history, but that doesn't answer the deepest meaning of the question. Sometimes I wonder if the Christianity we as a whole present could soothe the soul of a believer, much less the whole of society. The tide is turning, perhaps, but sometimes it seems like a split more than a reformation.

Apologies for this post has turned suddenly pessimistic. I think I must be tired.

2003-01-30T19:48:00.000-05:00

Help Me, History Buffs!

What significance was there behind boy scouts rising early and playing their bugles the morning after a raid of London? Somehow it brought relief to those who hear them, but I can't figure out why. The "librarian" is stumped!

2003-01-28T21:42:00.000-05:00

Cream Puffs For Dinner Again

I'm trying to watch the State of the Union Address without much success. Why am I so disinterested in politics? I think I'm off to prep Sunday's music. The church plant begins meeting this Sunday and music is a clean slate. I can bring in a whole sack of weighty songs that no one knows and it is appropriate. Thank goodness for new beginnings. (You might see an overload of Anne Steele in our hymnal.) There is also talk of creating a church psalter. Thank goodness as well for a chance to bring my skills out of the shadows.

On another note, I got walloped by the cow this evening. (I'm running the farm this week.) I climbed over the gate, took a few steps - then I felt this pain in my ribs and I was laying eight feet from where I was by the water bowl. I never heard her coming! I think I screamed as well because Liz started laughing. Note to self: never climb into a black cow's pen in the dark while dressed in black, talking on a black cell phone.)

BTW, wolloped is the correct word for my experience this evening. Cows are dangerous creatures.

2003-01-27T10:19:00.000-05:00

Another Post For Mike

There is something nice about the ordinary - coffee that is not quite warm, hands that smell of tangerines, cats clawing up the carpet under your door. It's the difference between my grandmother's sitting room and her den - one was filled with glass figurines and porcelain tea sets, the other with Longaberger baskets and magazines.

I could have perfect coffee every morning, but then I would never rejoice one the day it came out just right. I could have someone peel my tangerines, but then I would forget to remember how good it was earlier. If the cats didn't claw up the carpet, I would not be so proficient in French. (Arrête! Tu me rends folle!) Perhaps this is somewhat "Pollyanna" of me, but I think perfection renders me mal á l’aise.

Shall I say, “nothing happened today” as we used to do in our diaries, when they were beginning to die? It wouldn’t be true. The day is rather like a leafless tree: there are all sorts of colours in it, if you look closely. But the outline is bare enough. [The Diary of Virginia Woolf Friday, 29 January, 1915]

2003-01-24T15:00:00.000-05:00

Oh Virginia, No One Can Warn You

It all began four months ago with the trailer for The Hours – Nicole Kidman, Julianne Moore, Meryl Streep. Then I decided it would be prudent to read Mrs. Dalloway before I saw the film. This all led to my purchase of the Virginia Woolf's diary and a new obsession. I have always done this – I am overcome by an author’s work and then attempt to read everything. The only problem is that I feel like this new fascination should be morbid, but how can it be when the pages are dripping with life?

It seems impossible to place the lady of the biography next to the lady on the page. The ending may be horrific, but the memory is sweet. But how can this be? Did she see life too clearly? Was it new tidings of human evil? Was it purely mental illness? Still, it is not her end that strikes me, but by her daring to look at life without excuse – even as she was continually aware of approaching madness, she found more delight in living than most of my contemporaries. So I read...

2003-01-15T13:00:00.000-05:00

Not Obsessed, Really...

"The hottest day of the summer so far was drawing to a close and a drowsy silence lay over the large, square houses of Privet Drive ... The only person left outside was a teenage boy who was lying flat on his back in a flowerbed outside No. 4. " ( What is this? )

2003-01-03T16:10:00.000-05:00

The Host of the Air

O'DRISCOLL drove with a song
The wild duck and the drake
From the tall and the tufted reeds
Of the drear Hart Lake.
And he saw how the reeds grew dark
At the coming of night-tide,
And dreamed of the long dim hair
Of Bridget his bride.
He heard while he sang and dreamed
A piper piping away,
And never was piping so sad,
And never was piping so gay.
And he saw young men and young girls
Who danced on a level place,
And Bridget his bride among them,
With a sad and a gay face.
The dancers crowded about him
And many a sweet thing said,
And a young man brought him red wine
And a young girl white bread.
But Bridget drew him by the sleeve
Away from the merry bands,
To old men playing at cards
With a twinkling of ancient hands.
The bread and the wine had a doom,
For these were the host of the air;
He sat and played in a dream
Of her long dim hair.
He played with the merry old men
And thought not of evil chance,
Until one bore Bridget his bride
Away from the merry dance.
He bore her away in his atms,
The handsomest young man there,
And his neck and his breast and his arms
Were drowned in her long dim hair.
O'Driscoll scattered the cards
And out of his dream awoke:
Old men and young men and young girls
Were gone like a drifting smoke;
But he heard high up in the air
A piper piping away,
And never was piping so sad,
And never was piping so gay.

W.B.Yeats

2002-12-16T12:44:00.000-05:00

Final Answers, Finally

Sorry, folks, I've had to leave town suddenly. I tried to get these up before I left, but the computer crashed and all was lost. Oh, well. Better late than never.

What should be considered my hometown?

Defining "hometown" as the town in which I was born, my hometown would be Chapel Hill, NC. Eight points were given to Carrboro, NC since it is now merged with Chapel Hill and I lived there 3 times as long. Also, two points were given for Asheville, NC because I would like for it to be my hometown.

Chapel Hill, NC (5), Asheville, NC (5), Carrboro, NC (1), Dublin, OH (1), Satillieu, France (0)
My favorite book as a child was…

The Secret Garden. One point was given for both Where the Wild Things Are and A Christmas Carol since I did read them as a child. However, I had outgrown picture books by the time the former was published and I think I was so creeped out by the latter that I never finished it.

The Secret Garden (5), Where The Wild Things Are (4), Anne of Green Gables (3), The Hobbit (0), A Christmas Carol (0)
Name my drink of choice.

Tea (with Cream & Sugar). Five points were given for Coffee (with Cream & Sugar) because coffee is still a fine drink. Four points were given for Guinness because Guinness is also a fine drink though coffee is still slightly better. Three points were given for Chocolate Milk because who doesn't enjoy Chocolate Milk from time to time. However, no points were given for Black Coffee because you have removed all the good stuff. Bleh.

Guinness (7), Tea with cream & sugar (3), Coffee - Black (2), Coffee with cream & sugar (0), Chocolate Milk (0)
Which language have I never studied in a university setting?

Spanish. However, two points were given for Russian since I withdrew from the class. As for the others, I majored in French, took two semesters of Italian (all that was offered), and one semester of Latin (during my last semester).

Russian (3), Spanish (3), Latin (3), Italian (2), French (1)
Speaking of studying, I went to college assuming I would study…

I headed to the mountains to study Audio Engineering. However, four points were given to Creative Writing which I briefly considered before committing to French.

Journalism (4), Audio Engineering (3), Creative Writing (3), Music - Performance (2), Philosophy (0)
Here are some of my favorite films…well, minus one.

I didn't really like Citizen Kane, mainly because I knew that Rosebud was a sled a head of time. Now it will be ruined for you as well. (All the others are on my must-own list.)

Citizen Kane (4), Magnolia (3), Sleepless in Seattle (3), La Cité des Enfants Perdus (1), Arsenic and Old Lace (1)
One of these things is not like the others. One of these things doesn’t belong.

This was an trick question based on hidden logic, but the answer is Old Books. You can easily find the other three in my room, but the old books are on a shelf downstairs.

Ink Bottle (7), Rocking Chair (3), Lanterns (2), Old Books (0)
I have read the complete works of…

Jane Austen. Five points were given for J.K. Rowlings though she isn't finished yet.

J.K. Rowlings (5), Jane Austen (4), L.M. Montgomery (2), C.S. Lewis (0), Thomas Wolfe (0)
I have been to many places, but never to…

Surprisingly, it's Duke Chapel though I live in the same town. Two points were given for London since all my time there was spent at the airport. Also two point were given to Vermont because I was too young to remember it.

Trinidad (6), London (2), Duke Chapel (2), Vermont (1), Olive Garden (1)
In my personal opinion, which of the following can claim the world's best cuisine?

Hands down, it's Portugal, though four points were given to Southeast, USA since we do eat well here. Caldo Verde or Bar-B-Q?

Southeast, USA (6), Southern France (3), Portugal (2), Korea (1), Pakistan (0)

Thanks to all who participated. As a whole you guys didn't do too badly - 4 out of 10 impossible questions. ;o)

2002-12-16T12:37:00.000-05:00

Because We Love Quizzes

The Ultimate *Which Harry Potter Character are You?* Quiz
brought to you by Quizilla

Which Homestar Runner character are you?

this quiz was made by jurjyfrort

What colour of Skittle are you?

2002-12-04T15:10:00.000-05:00

Oh! Let It Snow!

So, we didn't get freezing rain after all. Instead we got fat, beautiful snow. :oD

2002-12-04T11:00:00.000-05:00

Tuesday Afternoon's Quiz - I'm Late

8 things on your desk:

Coffee from the Daily Grind in a Bruegger's mug.
A London Underground mousepad
Wooden boxes for sorting order slips
A Français/Italiano Dictionary
Lots of Post-It notes
Thomas Keightley's - The World Guide to Gnomes, Fairies, Elves, and Other Little People : A Compendium of International Fairy Folklore
Burt's Bee's Milk & Honey Lotion
An IBM computer

7 things you touch every day:

My cell phone
My Palm Pilot
My computer
My guitar
My car
My satchel
My toothbrush

6 movies you can't live without:

Marc Caro & Jean-Pierre Jeunet's - Le cité des enfants perdus
Blake Edwards' - Breakfast at Tiffany's
Gillian Armstrong's - Little Women
Roberto Benigni's - La vita è bella
John Sayles's - The Secret of Roan Inish
Stephen Daldry's - Billy Elliot

5 nicknames you have had in your life:

James
"J"
JB
Ida May
I think that's all I've had....

4 places you want to visit:

Portuagal
Québec
Sénégal
Maine

3 things you wish you could change about yourself:

Ability to remember important items without having to write them on my hand
Hair that can decide whether it's curly or straight
Patience in learning to read music well

2 phone numbers you call most:

My parents
My cell (to check voicemail)

1 person you plan to spend the rest of your life with:

Anne Shirley? She's been on my bookshelf for awhile now...though Jane Eyre is a possiblity as well or perhaps David Copperfield...

Thanks to Valerie, Kristen, & Rick

2002-12-04T00:22:00.000-05:00

Yes...Yet Another Quiz

What's Your Movie Dream Car?

by Auto Glass America

Thanks to Kristen.

2002-12-04T00:16:00.000-05:00

The Winds Are A-Changing

Welcome to yet another new design. The graphics may switch around a little once I get myself to a decent graphics program. (Windows' Paint doesn't count.) Let me know if something isn't working right. However this one seems to like Netscape though we have returned to frames. One step back, two steps forward.

2002-12-03T11:44:00.000-05:00

Cities I Have Known

Here are the last five cities I have visited along with what first comes to mind when I think of each one.

Asheville, NC - Skyline
Nashville, TN - Coffee
Philadelphia, PA - Construction
Raleigh, NC - Music Shops
Washington, DC - Traffic Circles

2002-12-02T11:24:00.000-05:00

Puritain Quotes

"If we desire to end our days in joy and comfort, let us lay the foundation of a comfortable death now betimes. To die well is not a thing of that light moment as some imagine: it is no easy matter. But to die well is a matter of every day. Let us daily do some good that may help us at the time of our death. Every day by repentance pull out the sting of some sin, that so when death comes, we may have nothing to do but to die. To die well is the action of the whole life."
-- RICHARD SIBBES

2002-11-26T12:16:00.000-05:00

If All Your Friends Jumped Off A Cliff, Would You?

Obviously, I would.

Here is my quiz. Good luck! Perhaps there will be a prize for the highest score, but perhaps not. We'll have to see what I can donate!

2002-11-22T13:50:00.000-05:00

I'm Trying So Hard Not To Be A Dork About This

But Julie Miller is coming after all and, especially after the earlier mix-up, I'm too excited to contain myself. I know she's just a person, but this is only the second time someone from the Good Dog Bad Dog shelf is having a show in the area where I'm living and the show has not been canceled. Perhaps I shouldn't speak so soon....

2002-11-21T22:20:00.000-05:00

Just Needed To Relive These

'Ginny!" said Mr Weasley, flabbergasted. 'Haven't I taught you anything? What have I always told you? Never trust anything that can think for itself if you can't see where it keeps its brain.' [CoS, UK, 242]

'Am I a Professor?' said Lockhard in mild surprise. 'Goodness. I expect I was hopeless, was I?'
'He tried to do a Memory Charm and the wand backfired,' Ron explained quietly to Dumbledore.
'Dear me,' said Dumbledore, shaking his head, his long silver moustache quivering. 'Impaled on your own sword, Gilderoy!'
'Sword?' said Lockhard dimly. 'Haven't got a sword. That boy has, though.' He pointed at Harry. 'He'll lend you one.' [CoS, UK, 244]

2002-11-21T10:21:00.000-05:00

Too Many Quizzes This Week...

The second book written and the third chronologically, you're the story of a Narnia hundreds of years after the last visit, populated by mythological creatures struggling to overthrow a king determined to wipe them out. Susan's Horn brings help when it's most needed ...

Find out which Chronicles of Narnia book you are.

Thanks to Dave.

2002-11-20T09:24:00.000-05:00

1776

Which Founding Father Are You?

Thanks to Kristen

2002-11-19T18:06:00.000-05:00

Help!

Does anyone know the who wrote a song with this chorus? I'm not sure how it ended up on my computer, but it's quite a nice ditty.

Oh, baby, think it over
I mean what have you got to loose
I don’t want to steal a thing from you
Your gypsy spirit, your grace, your muse
Baby, your heart may it be safe with me
I can give and I can take
And I’d do it all ‘cause
Look good in those two dollar shoes

[Update 6:10 p.m.] Found him. It's written by a man named Ron Welch. Go and listen.

2002-11-19T11:12:00.000-05:00

You Treat Me Like I'm A Colin Creevey

In celebration of tonight's excursion to see the Movie-Which-Shall-Not-Be-Named, I give you the Switchblade Kittens' beloved "Ode to Harry Potter," one of the finest pieces of fan fiction to date.

2002-11-19T09:23:00.000-05:00

How Firm A Foundation

How firm a foundation, ye saints of the Lord,
Is laid for your faith in His excellent Word!
What more can He say than to you He hath said,
You, who unto Jesus for refuge have fled?

In every condition, in sickness, in health;
In poverty’s vale, or abounding in wealth;
At home and abroad, on the land, on the sea,
As thy days may demand, shall thy strength ever be.

Fear not, I am with thee, O be not dismayed,
For I am thy God and will still give thee aid;
I’ll strengthen and help thee, and cause thee to stand
Upheld by My righteous, omnipotent hand.

When through the deep waters I call thee to go,
The rivers of woe shall not thee overflow;
For I will be with thee, thy troubles to bless,
And sanctify to thee thy deepest distress.

When through fiery trials thy pathways shall lie,
My grace, all sufficient, shall be thy supply;
The flame shall not hurt thee; I only design
Thy dross to consume, and thy gold to refine.

Even down to old age all My people shall prove
My sovereign, eternal, unchangeable love;
And when hoary hairs shall their temples adorn,
Like lambs they shall still in My bosom be borne.

The soul that on Jesus has leaned for repose,
I will not, I will not desert to its foes;
That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,
I’ll never, no never, no never forsake.

( John Rippon, 1787 )

2002-11-17T21:46:00.000-05:00

An Eye Is A Terrible Thing To Waste

After a nice long vacationous weekend I decided to finally switch out my guitar strings. I have had many close calls with strings and eyes usually ending with me being thankful for my bad eyesight and the glasses that blocked the projectile. This time I wasn't so lucky. My father said I probably had scratched my cornea and that I should have it checked. After calling most everyone I know, my housemate Melissa finally made it home and took me to the E.R. which was nothing like the one on TV. I actually made it out in less than 90 minutes. Not bad at all. Anyway, my eye is alright and they are not making me wear a patch like a pirate which could actually have been somewhat fun. A little drama never hurt anyone.

The weekend was nice however filled with old friends and new friends - sort of like the girls scouts song though I wasn't too keen on scouting as a kid. I feel a little more rested and though I’m not looking forward to returning to the library quite yet. However, at least I can find comfort in the fact that I have been hailed from the Atlantic to the Pacific as “Jamie the Ninja Librarian.” Maybe there will be action figures soon. A short women dressed in a wool sweaters with 50's era glasses & frizzy hair, fighting for the reprint of wise Scottish pastors….it could happen though I might need a side-kick. Any takers?

Please send your resume and 562 word essay on why you would be an valuable member of the team to the following address.

2002-11-14T10:34:00.000-05:00

Quizzes On A Thursday Morning

"God will not suffer man to have the knowledge of things to come; for if he had prescience
of his prosperity he would be careless; and understanding of his adversity he would be senseless."

You are Augustine!

You love to study tough issues and don't mind it if you lose sleep over them.
Everyone loves you and wants to talk to you and hear your views, you even get things like "nice debating
with you." Yep, you are super smart, even if you are still trying to figure it all out. You're also
very honest, something people admire, even when you do stupid things.

What theologian are you?

A creation of Henderson

2002-11-14T00:16:00.000-05:00

And The Wind Keeps Blowing

I said as I was leaving Nashville this September that I felt like everything would change when I returned home and my words were truer than I imagined. I was referring, in that particular moment, to a roommate who had been fired from a hopeless job and was beginning to dream again and how that would affect my life. Looking back, I myself have changed. I'm also dreaming instead of worrying as well as following these dreams. I am still fearful, but not as afraid as I used to be. I just don't wait to fail, but I'm starting to see that failing will not destroy me.

There is also overwhelming sadness as we have come to find out that my grandmother is dying. My grandfather was the center of our family, but he passed on almost six years ago. Things will soon change since there will no longer be the shadow of this center. Plus, I don't think anyone knows how to deal with this. My grandfather's death was sudden, but my grandmother's will be slower. I will get to say goodbye this time which makes it easier for me - conclusions help me to process it all - but I think this is harder for most. My relatives are really not doing well. I see it most in my mother and I miss her joy. It will return but I am impatient for it. I'm sure she is as well.

I also think that, when death enters your life, you must decide to continue to live. I don't really feel particularly joyful at present - most of my current jokes are rooted in cynicism or absurdity - but it is easier for me to laugh than to cry. I think this is ok though. It's my inherited way of dealing with what is painful and it keeps us alive. I find I have new hope that life is worth living and that it will not pass me by. I don't know what that means, except that though there is now sadness, there will be new joys tomorrow. I will receive some of my dreams, until one day the sun and moon will be replaced and all tears wiped away. I don't know what that will be like, but it will be interesting. I don't think I even want to comprehend - only await.

2002-11-12T11:37:00.000-05:00

A Whole Lot Of Nonsense Today

GK:....after a message from the Ketchup Advisory Board.

TR (as Hal Riney): Once there was a town and it was a lot like many other towns ---- it had alleys and swing sets and a hose at the gas station that dinged when you drove over it --- but in this town, there was only a commercial radio station that broadcast hideous commercials and brain-numbing swill from morning to night so that one by one people began wandering into the woods and not coming back.....until one day....public radio arrived.....and suddenly you could hear organ sonatas and interviews with shepherds and festivals of Lithuanian choral music and a nine- minute documentary on an Appalachian woman who makes weather vanes out of coat hangers and call-in shows featuring sociologists....and life became good again.....and that's why we here at the Ketchup Advisory Board ask you to support public radio. It's a lot like ketchup itself. Part of the richness and grandeur of life. Ketchup...all the best a ketchup can be....

[link]

2002-11-12T11:09:00.000-05:00

Wish List

Anyone out there looking to bestow a bodhran? If so, I could be a happy recipient. :o)

2002-11-12T09:32:00.000-05:00

This-or-That Tuesday

Hershey's Kisses: with or without almonds? Without. Yep, definitely without
Wizard of Oz: Scarecrow or Tin Man? The scarecrow, but I don't know why. Some folks go this way and some folks go that way.
Meat eater or vegetarian? Either until it becomes eclusive.
Buy books or borrow them? I buy them. If I check them out from the library, I forget to bring them back and pay high fines. Also, I like to take notes in the margins and you can't do that with someone else's books.
At the bank: ATM or human teller? I haven't seen a human teller in years.
Oil or gas (or other) heat? As long as I don't freeze, I'm ok with either. When you rent, you aren't really given a choice!
Pen or pencil? Pen except at work I use pencil.
Drive or use public transit? I use both everyday.
Who IS James Bond: Sean Connery or Pierce Brosnan (or any of the others in between)? You know, I don't really have an opinion on this one though I suppose Sean Connery is the correct answer. Pierce Brosnan will always be Remington Steel to me.
Your ideal breakfast: full (bacon/sausage, eggs, pancakes, etc) or continental (bagels, muffins, fruit, cereal)? Continental in the morning. Full in the evening.

2002-11-11T11:58:00.000-05:00

Smoky Bars on Sunday Nights

I was fortunately enought to hear my friends in PearlMerchant play last night. I was sitting there thinking that this is what Christian Art should be about - good music that is not imitating the world around them but trying create something new, true interaction with the audience after the show asking about others instead of talking about themselves, making sure to sit through the next band's act so that there was an audience - they even bought me dinner! I must say that I was thoroughly impressed.

[Audio Clips]

2002-11-11T09:19:00.000-05:00

Quizzes on a Monday Morning

What box do you get put in?
brought to you by Quizilla

2002-11-08T17:31:00.000-05:00

Joy On A Friday Afternoon

And the lost sheep has been found.

[PHC, 10/5/96]

2002-11-07T12:52:00.000-05:00

Blogger Gifts For Pro's

I thought I would post the audio to Lettres Home as a gift for reading my mangled thoughts. The only thing I ask is - if you are going to listen more than once, please download it to your computer.

[See Tuesday's post for lyrics.]

2002-11-06T16:32:00.000-05:00

This Has Just Not Been A Good Week

And now Julie Miller is not playing with Buddy when he comes to Carrboro. Why do I have tickets then? Buddy is a great musician, but I think I prefer his production skills more.

Maybe I can get a refund....

2002-11-06T15:17:00.000-05:00

Prairie Home Companion

This is totally tongue in cheek, but funny none the less.

LOL - Lutherans Online.

[Taken from 3/30/96 show].

2002-11-05T11:15:00.000-05:00

Crown Him With Many Crowns

Crown Him with many crowns, the Lamb upon His throne.
Hark! How the heavenly anthem drowns all music but its own.
Awake, my soul, and sing of Him who died for thee,
And hail Him as thy matchless King through all eternity.

Crown Him the Lord of life, who triumphed over the grave,
And rose victorious in the strife for those He came to save.
His glories now we sing, Who died, and rose on high,
Who died eternal life to bring, and lives that death may die.

Crown Him the Lord of peace, Whose power a scepter sways
From pole to pole, that wars may cease, and all be prayer and praise.
His reign shall know no end, and round His piercèd feet
Fair flowers of paradise extend their fragrance ever sweet.

Crown Him the Lord of love, behold His hands and side,
Those wounds, yet visible above, in beauty glorified.
No angel in the sky can fully bear that sight,
But downward bends his burning eye at mysteries so bright.

Crown Him the Lord of years, the Potentate of time,
Creator of the rolling spheres, ineffably sublime.
All hail, Redeemer, hail! For Thou has died for me;
Thy praise and glory shall not fail throughout eternity.

( Matthew Bridges, 1852 )

2002-11-05T10:23:00.000-05:00

Alright. Me Too.

jamie is an experienced full time real estate professional who [I live in Who-ville.]
jamie is a stinky [A stinky what? I did shower today!]
jamie is snoring [Or at least wishes she was]
jamie is a prissypants [You guys believe this one? Riiiiight...]
jamie is the bomb
jamie is the best
jamie is still in treatment
jamie is an ass [Or a knave]
jamie is a she punkass
jamie is a great gymnast [But stay out of my way]
jamie is center of the universe or so he thinks [And has conquered pride.]
jamie is finally thankful
jamie is crying
jamie is now my friend [But I wasn't yesterday]
jamie is hot
jamie is a boy [Sheesh. Are they going to try and make me sign up for the draft again?]
jamie is snoring loudly [Or still wishes she was.]
jamie is gorgeous
jamie is the coolest [Aw, shucks....]
jamie is a beast [Ouch]
jamie is checking [Books and books and books.]
jamie is a 15 3/4" sable & white dog [or an ass or a beast.]
jamie is usually short for james
jamie is connected to because [ok....]
jamie is connected to the following things [guitars, high speed internet, and Strong Bad]
jamie is entirely too obsessed with [Strong Bad]
jamie is a very busy guy right now [trying to convince everyone she is actually female.]
jamie is very thin
jamie is out there [Um, thanks?]
jamie is one superior bench presser [Look out Rick!]
jamie is an amazingly smart
jamie is taking a nap
jamie is a pretty blonde with a sexy body who likes to wear fashionable clothes [I never knew old sweaters were sexy...]
jamie is a 19 year old student with cerebral palsy and severe mental retardation
jamie is matching different colored shapes to teacher made pictures [I'm getting better!]
jamie is pulling on her mother's leg [Still tied to the apron strings]
jamie is his mad [What? Mad what? Hatter?]
jamie is one of the top yoga teachers in the country [My balance suddenly improved]
jamie is an outstanding girl [ Remember - girl, not guy]
jamie is hooked up to his iv feedings nightly for nearly twelve hours [it leaves time for more important things]
jamie is the player with the most abiliity [In Harry Potter trivia - though Melanie can sometime take me down]
jamie is no real fox in this one [Holes are good. Hounds are bad.]
jamie is still gaines' inside contact [Gaines obviously doesn't have much to say]
jamie is currently hosting a 13 [Feed it lettuce and dead rats twice a day.]
jamie is married to e
jamie is that of an arranged marriage [to e]
jamie is knowing that it doesn't have to be that way [but e and I opted for the arranged marriage anyway]
jamie is able to function normally for the most part [but e still grates carrots for me.]
jamie is one of my favorite models
jamie is the sweet and lovable housemate [Aw, you guys... *blush*]
jamie is actually the fastest man alive [Woman. Wo-man]
jamie is a plain jane who gets picked on for her pure goodness
jamie is a consummate performer
jamie is unrepentant [The truth is out.]
jamie is the 79th most kissable guy [Girl! G-I-R-L!!!]
jamie is great ["gives us chocolate cake"]
jamie is [Yep. Still breathing.]
jamie is singing to landon during the school play ["You scored an international gooo-aaaal..."]
jamie is still fine
jamie is very excited to finally be a reporter [It was quite a shock to receive the position]
jamie is really heavy into the drugs and trish does not want to be apart of this any more [This must be Jamie-the-Guy]
jamie is in the "gifted and talented" class and does best with math [Then you take the cosign...]
jamie is there he uses language more frequently than [the average 15 3/4" sable & white dog
jamie is a friend and incredible teacher who has taught w/anna halprin for years [Good ol'Anna]
jamie is really interested in bidding on a vacation package which promises to be the honeymoon they never [e and I still find this painful]
jamie is becoming closer to toby as a friend [e is still slightly jealous]
jamie is a brilliant climber who earns his living washing dishes so he can spend his time in the mountains
jamie is an endearing young lady who loves laughing and talking with friends
jamie is kept out of school for several days while he and his mother cope with their situation
jamie is also a member of st [Save the Thesaurus
jamie is a call operator [Connecting you...]
jamie is single [Don't tell e]
jamie is a senior at troy state university majoring in elementary education
jamie is secure in her spiritual beliefs and her faith
jamie is also very good [at being secure in her spiritual beliefs and her faith]
jamie is a nut bar
jamie is also [a nut? It's ok, you can say it.]
jamie is originally from the north texas area
jamie is getting ready for her solo album and tour to follow [Please contact Valerie if you would like to bring Jamie to your town.]
jamie is very attractive to members of the opposite sex [because of her old thrift store sweaters.]
jamie is responsible for the preparation of presentations on a variety of scientific processes
jamie is an avid sports fan and equipment manager of the school's baseball team
jamie is captured by british soldiers and she sets off with murtagh to find him [And can obviously be in two places at once!]
jamie is responsible for the operation of the recruitment department [so that she can find herself]
jamie is dead set against marriage [which is how she has been able to marry e yet remain single]
jamie is continuing the sublime [It's not an easy task, but someone's got to do it.]
jamie is now an assistant instructor
jamie is also responsible for birthday ads ["Movin' on up..."]
jamie is now in talks with suresongs pro and encore management looking to strike a record deal [Riiiight...]
jamie is an associate systems consultant for bender consulting services [No, this one does not puree quickly enough.]
jamie is a hard working defensemen who plays with skill
jamie is book smart [which explains why I might insult you with "What a caterwauling dost thou keep"]
jamie is the baptist minister's daughter [And all this time I thought my father was a nurse.]
jamie is in the room ["Get down, get down. Uh."]

Thanks to Kristen, Valerie, & googlism.com.

2002-11-04T11:39:00.000-05:00

Feline Update

I like cats better on a full nights sleep. My housemate who owns the cats *finally* returned from her various voyages and the cats go and bother her - not me. :o)

Here's a picture but they don't look so wretched in it.

Otherwise, I feel much saner. I went to an ordination service last night for a man who is starting a downtown church around here, which I will be going with. Exciting stuff. Ru has some insane ideas like planting a new church once this one reaches 100 and having evening services instead of early morning ones. I'm always appreciative of folks who think outside of the traditional box. I like tradition, but I also need the reminder that it's not our foundation.

2002-11-02T10:53:00.000-05:00

I Swear, I'm About To Loose It

All I want it eight hours of sleep. Eight hours! I'm so tired that the world feels like it's spinning if I close my eyes. I can't remember my last full night of sleep. It's is almost eleven and I don't think I've really slept since two though I've been in bed the entire time because of these damn cats! If I lock them out of my room, one will spend hours trying to break down the door. If I let them in, the other will knock everything I own off my my dresser & desk and make as much noise as she can. I've even tried to let one in and the other out, but then they try to break the door down from both sides. They aren't even my cats!!! I feel like I could explode over anything, like someone drinking the last bit of milk or something else small and insignificant and I have no idea when I'll get another full night's sleep. This stupid cat thing has been going on for two freakin' weeks and I honestly don't know how I'm going to make it through today.

2002-11-02T01:56:00.000-05:00

From The Shipping News

"There are still so many things I don't know. If a piece of knotted string can unlease the wind and if a drowned man can awaken, then I believe that a broken man can heal."

2002-11-01T23:54:00.000-05:00

More Random Quotes

I love what I refer to as "Bad Theology Tea" because you get to laugh over such great quotes as "Goodness and kindness should become human nature, because they aer the real nature." I have patient housemates, because I usually make a big deal of reading them to everyone in a very serious voice.

2002-11-01T17:10:00.000-05:00

Just Being Unrealistic...

Sometimes I think it would be nice to be in a Romantic Comedy. The next two hours or so would be extremely stressful that's for sure, but then it would all end happily - all tied up with a little bow.

I think I need some sleep...

2002-10-31T15:03:00.000-05:00

Oh Dear

I'm trying to redesign, but something *obviously* has gone haywire. To be continued...

Update - I got the comments up again. I'll clean up the sidebar text tonight. I have no idea what's up with the banner ad or why the sidebar suddenly ends....

2002-10-31T12:15:00.000-05:00

You Get Used To Something Like That

From CCN.com -

The Capitol has gone through a number of night watchmen who begged off the duty after one night of creepy noises, Beck said.

Owen J. Jackson, 84, managed the job for 12 years before retiring in 1990.

Strains of gospel hymns, the thump-thump-thumps that followed him down stairs and the angry slams of doors never bothered him, Jackson said.

"You get used to something like that," Jackson said.

"I think there's a couple million dollars buried somewhere there, and they're just trying to tell us where it was."

2002-10-30T23:14:00.000-05:00

Not Trying Out For Mensa

Blimey! It's freezing in here! Sixty degrees! We forgot to turn on the heat!

2002-10-29T15:33:00.000-05:00

I Assure You That I Am Not Obsessed

But the Leaky Caudron posted today that there are now fifteen clips from CoS on CountingDown.com.

2002-10-29T11:47:00.000-05:00

Are You Strong Enough To Be My Man?

I just realized the I really like Sheryl Crow. Nothing like being ten years late (or almost ten years late.)

2002-10-25T15:30:00.000-04:00

Awaiting the Great Pumpkin

Which Peanuts Character Are You Quiz

2002-10-24T19:20:00.000-04:00

Productivity

Today I paid a total of $178 to find out that I don't have skin cancer, I applied for a P.O. Box, I continued my search for metal sign letters, I bought a cup of tea at a coffee shop, I paid my bills, and I have made 10 phone calls. I'm sure you all wanted to know how I spent my afternoon. ;o)

2002-10-23T12:21:00.000-04:00

When You Hear the Whistle Blow

I think I have wanderlust, that state of mind that made men of old yearn for the seven seas. I don't want to be a nomad though, but I do want to see things I've never seen like Kansas and Québec and Oregon and Scotland. I want to hear about the lives of strangers. I want to learn what makes Nebraska so different from North Carolina. Then I want to come home to a small place that's mine and process all I've seen before I go out and do it all over again. Australia, anyone?

2002-10-22T22:36:00.000-04:00

A Little Cold Air Will Do It

I went outside to mildly bemoan my current state when a rush of memories of these past few weeks hit me. I know most of my family and they love me and there is no doubt in that. My aunt called for my mother's cell number, but wanted to chat a little as well. Her daughter who is my age is always happy when I call and my cousin's daughter laughs at me at well, even when she's at that clinging stage. My parents enjoy my company and make a point to tell me this whenever I spend time with them. My father goes out of his way to help me even when he doesn't quite understand why finding something like an old broken board is important. My mother calls me every few days to see how I'm doing. My sister thinks I'm weird, but she likes me that way and her husband always asks me what I'm up to. My brother understands me even when I'm making no sense. I don't always make sense to my friends, but they try their darndest to understand and they do truly care. There is Canadian beer with labels like "Skinny Dippers are people too." The cats are excited when I get home and, now that it's cold, they sit on my lap when I watch TV. There is French cheese in the fridge and the pantry is overflowing with tea and my housemates sometimes will drink tea with me so that I can use my teapot with the tea cozy my mother made me. I have a library full of books that I haven't read and access to all sorts of music. And best of all, I have been bound to a God who loves me in my wretched state and best of all, his smiles are mine. I have it good. So much for the bemoaning, my sorrows dissolved into laughter.

2002-10-22T12:11:00.000-04:00

The Sacred and Profane

Nobody can combine Handel's Messiah with Donkey Basketball quite like Garrison Keillor.

This is most appropriate because from the beginning, Messiah has been a joining of the sacred and profane, but isn't this the whole point of redemption? Quote - "It has fed the hungry, fostered the orphan, and enriched succeeding managers of oratorios more than any single musical production in this or any country." ( NPR )

2002-10-22T09:56:00.000-04:00

Everybody Wants Prosthetic Foreheads on Their Real Heads

My friend Patty leads the most interesting life, though somewhat accidentially.

2002-10-21T12:35:00.000-04:00

- Do You Ever Just Want To Quit? -

The good news is that you only go to hell if you have non-Christian tatoos. Seems that the Pearly Gates are no accepting Christian ones...

(I think you can see our neighborhood "fanatics" on the PitCam.)

2002-10-17T14:37:00.000-04:00

- The Topic of the Day - Beauty -

A friend of mine asked me recently about the purpose of beauty and why should we be concerned with it. It took me aback, because I feel like my survival depends on beauty. When words hold no meaning and I feel overcome by everything, the sound a songbird, or a flower trying in the cracks of a city sidewalk, the way a candle flame flickers, stories of a kind, unexpected deed. These can soothe me like David's harp.

I ran across a Chinese proverb today that reads, "A wife is sought for her virtue; a concubine for her beauty." Maybe that's our problem. We see beauty as something that fades, but virtue as mere usefulness. Would not virtue be true beauty?

I think when it all comes down, I find that joy and beauty are merged in such a way that they cannot be separated and like, C.S. Lewis’ Surprised By Joy there is a longing and a pain that come as well because true, unmistaken joy & beauty remind us that our current experience is not all there is – that this joy and beauty that so overwhelm us are but the first fruits of what we cannot yet imagine. In the same way that “good” can mean “acceptable or “good” can mean “all-satisfying,” “beauty” can be found in something like a beautiful car, but this is only an aesthetic beauty. True beauty is a woman giving to God her last two dimes or the sun setting aflame the mountains at the peak of autumn. These bring forth both our frailty and reminds us of our greatness.

“[Earth’s] highest joys have mingled woes that leave a sting behind.” - Anne Steele

"Beauty is a precious trace that eternity causes to appear to us and that it takes away from us. A manifestation of eternity, and a sign of death as well." - Eugène Ionesco

"The beauty of the world ... has two edges, one of laughter, one of anguish, cutting the heart asunder." - Virginia Woolf

2002-10-17T09:16:00.000-04:00

- My Name is Bill Gates -

Bill Amend has a great link to this Apple commercial parody.

2002-10-15T09:45:00.000-04:00

- Aw Yeah! -

The newest HP trailer is now online. (That would be "Harry Potter," not "Hewlett-Packard.")

I am not obsessed.

2002-10-11T11:06:00.000-04:00

- Join The Club -

Anyone who's anybody is buying umbrellas today at the Student Store. I was fortunate enough to get a dark blue one. They are much cooler than the Carolina blue ones - unless, of course, you are off to a football game.

I also have a kind housemate who wook up early to take me to work since my attempted trip to the bus stop could have been quickened if I had just jumped into a swimming pool instead. ;o)

2002-10-10T09:31:00.000-04:00

- MisQuotes -

We are all in the same path, just in different boats.

2002-10-09T11:53:00.000-04:00

- Questions Abound -

What if I have been writing these past few years with the wrong focus? I feel trapped between industrial Christian art and my own personal leanings. I am afraid to dig too deeply into things so as to not give the wrong impression, but my artist sense says art must flow from the depths, not by a compromise halfway. I don't mean to say there is no line – there is a line such as not glorifying sin, etc. - but I'm afraid I've drawn another line much closer so as not to trespass the real line. If this is true, then I’m almost embarrassed by many of my song because they offer trite hope because I thought it was necessary - like throwing out false smiles on a chaotic day so as not to destroy the image of the "shining, happy, Christian."

It's hard to think like this in the middle of a recording project - trying to get things on tape while wondering if maybe you should just start the whole thing over. I just want to finish, but I want to finish well. I've thought about going back and taking out one more song, knowing that many folks like this one. I've also thought about re-writing the ending of another. The problem with both of these "solutions" is that it will make the album much less "Christian-y" - but I swear it's not copping out. I feel like I’ve been writing with an agenda - though not a full-formed one - and agendas usually make bad art. However, my heart feels ripped in two. I want two things - I want to create good art (at least to the best of my ability) and I want to be understood, but I don't know if I can have both. I fear well-meaning rebukes from those who are honestly concerned about my focus - even if I think the path I have chosen was the correct one.

Who am I? This is a necessary question because whatever I make flows out of this. I am Southern. I think deeply. I notice things nobody else claims to see. I am a Christian. I love the church, though I think the church can be horrid. I am attracted to imperfection (like Flannery O’Connor or Rembrandt). I am interest in new ways of doing or seeing things. All of this is going to come out in what I create one way or another unless I purposely stop it. Southern art always has a thread of morbid darkness because historically, life has been hard here and under the sweetness, there is an underlying cynicism. I am going to draw from a wealth of sources – known & obscure – because that’s what I dwell on. I will write about sorrow and suffering and I may not always give an answer because a song cannot put the world together. I will write about joy because of common grace & redemption. I don’t want to be a genius – I want to write for the common man/woman who sits in a pub on Tuesday nights chatting with strangers trying to find some common ground. I want people to know my faith because of my life, not because of what I write. I am not trying to save souls, but create.

I’m tempted to drive to the mountains and think. Things seemed so much clearer there, but it was only because I wasn’t challenging my own worldview there – others yes, but not my own. But before folks worry, I feel like I must deal with this with my entire being and not just my head - but I'm not downcast, at least I don't think I am. I'm "wrastlin' " but not sinking - just so I'm not promoting the wrong idea. Sometimes, even in the midst of struggle, you can see the good that will come once the water begins to still. Peace.

2002-10-08T12:29:00.000-04:00

- Jacques Prevert -

Though I'm quite a fan of Yeats, the poet who truly introduced me to poetry would be Jacque Prevert. Le Cancre and Déjeuner du matin are two of his best known though one of my favorites is La grasse matinée.

There's not a grand reason for my posting this except that I wish I still have my old, battered of Paroles. Ah well, there's always Amazon.

2002-10-08T09:39:00.000-04:00

- The Turning Of Each Road Is Not All That I Have Known -

Today is finally cool enough for me to attempt a turtleneck sweater. Not to be redundant, but there really is something mystical about those first days of experiential Autumn when the wind pierces my clothes and my hands automatically clinch protecting my fingers from becoming numb though it is not nearly that cold of yet. It's moments like these where fear and hope and corruption and beauty all come vis-á-vis and I feel torn apart by the mere thought that I live and I feel a strong desire to commune with another, to mourn and to rejoice, to wonder that these are not two sides to a coin, but two sides that are mutual exclusive - yet they live both in me and in the world surrounding me and that I find this thought overwhelming at times.

I am usually more than content in my single state and honestly, if this is my lot, I am ok with that. However as John said a while back, "In order to enter fully into the experience, you need someone else with you, someone else who can point things out to you and to whom you can praise the beauty and with whom you can share the experience and relive it again later." As well, I also find that, in order to fully appreciate beauty, it sometimes takes another who is not afraid to look darkness at squarely before they say "Behold. Destruction is for but a season, but glory is everlasting."

I don't mean to be dwell on what is dark, but it seems to me that the more I realize how beautiful this world is, the more it contrasts starkly with what is not. This is not to say that beauty must gain its status by being contrasted with ugliness. However, I would agree with Anne Steele when she wrote, "[Earth's] highest joys have mingled woes, and leave a sting behind."

Our societal perception of beauty is so utterly distorted, so we must start with the shadows before we haul out the light. Otherwise we will be misunderstood. This generation has seen too much - I have seen too much - to hope in trite things. We are a cynical generation, but even a cynic can have her heart renewed. Beauty, if truly sought, is a dangerous thing in that it enables us to really see and in this sight we are able to truly morn and to truly rejoice.

However, this must be weighed with Paul’s exhortation to dwell on whatever is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, excellent, and worthy of praise. The ugliness of the world should not drive us to become morbid, but to gaze even more deeply on the beauty of Christ’s face – not to be blinded from seeing the world, but to find peace there.

2002-10-07T14:59:00.000-04:00

- In Honor of Kristen Knox -
- Future Lover of Burly Beers & Strapping Stouts -

2002-10-07T11:12:00.000-04:00

- Then there was [no longer] light -

I feel like I am working in an attic today. The overhead lights are out and I have a couple of lamps behind me, so instead of the shadows being cast downward, they are being cast onto my cube walls and my various "artifacts." If I only I could burn a candle, set up a tea tray, and curl up in a quilt...I might just feel like I was working from home!

2002-10-04T16:47:00.000-04:00

- Last Thoughts on a Friday Afternoon -

Sleep is not only good, but necessary for absolute sanity.
Sanity is not necessarily required for the Christian life.
Christians are wretched, but holy wretches.
Since the church is run by holy wretches, it will not run like a well-oiled machine. (Well, not in most cases anyway.)
Speaking of well-oiled machines, my car is still running.
My still-running car is taking me out to the farm for my mother's fall party o'three.
My family is a little quirky.
Quirky is most certainly a good thing.

2002-10-01T16:18:00.000-04:00

- Tired, Grumpy, and Blessed? -

While off in my own little world, grumbling in my sad condition and how the grass is so much greener on the other side, the library's purchasing manager emailed to say my request for a new chair was approved - even though we are in a budget crisis at the moment. First, my old chair of two years is designed for a 6' man - I am a 5'2" woman. Second, I am on keyboard 8 hours a day with all my weight on my wrists which is a great way of creating carpel tunnel syndrome. Third, I have already developed carpel tunnel (like everyone else here.) However I just decided that the university was too money-centered to pay attention to the needs of their employees so there has been no asking of God to supply my needs, just griping under my breath.

And now I'm getting a new chair. Maybe when I'm old and fully grey, I'll finally realize that God does in fact take care of the needs of his children. This happens all the time though - I am such an Isrealite - yet my needs are still provided for and it absolutely stuns me everytime to realize that I am not a "lone, forsaken creature" but a child of the King.

"To glory bring me, Lord, at last,
And there when all my fears are past,
With all thy saints then I'll agree -
God has been merciful to me."

(Samuel Medley)

2002-09-30T10:46:00.000-04:00

- Turning Grey -

Last night I found grey hair number two. I think it only weirds me out because I don't feel like I'm fully an adult, but who ever feels like they truly are. Though it does make me think of a four-year-old who once asked my mother if she was going to die soon since people with grey hair will die. However she's not too off the mark - I think we dislike grey hair because they remind us of our mortality and this may not be such a bad thing.

Today found me bemoaning my current state where I feel like I am working from the moment I get up to the moment I go to bed in trying to both eat and follow the path I feel called to follow.. Ten hours ago, I was ranting against the American church for not teaching the gospel clearly enough to my grandmother who is terrified of dying and thus will not think about the fact that we all know her days are numbered. Today, my heart is so wrapped up in this world that I had forgotten that we are but "wretched wanderers." I feel like I must be the one to put all the pieces together, but they don't fit though I won't always admit it.

In God's providence, this morning a friend began talking of about falling in love with Christ's beauty. Then I thought - that's what it's all about. My works & creations will one day pass away, I will slowly become old and will one day look death in the face, but Christ beauty will never fade and that it is not a waste of time to pursue this. My goal should not be understand this earth, because I will not understand it all and I can only push so far until it will break me. I can and should look forward to where true riches lie - not ignoring this world, but not clinging to it either.

"Begone, ye guilded vanities;
I seek some solid good;
To real bliss my wishes rise,
The favour of my God."

( Anne Steele )

2002-09-27T17:31:00.000-04:00

- The Lake Isle of Innisfree -

I will arise and go now, and go to Innisfree,
And a small cabin build there, of clay and wattles made;
Nine bean rows will I have there, a hive for the honey bee,
And live alone in the bee-loud glade.

And I shall have some peace there, for peace comes dropping slow,
Dropping from the veils of the morning to where the cricket sings;
There midnight's all a glimmer, and noon a purple glow,
And evening full of the linnet's wings.

I will arise and go now, for always night and day
I hear lake water lapping with low sounds by the shore;
While I stand on the roadway, or on the pavements gray,
I hear it in the deep heart's core

William Butler Yeats

2002-09-27T15:07:00.000-04:00

- Ever felt like this? -

"I get this far away from home, a couple thousand miles, and I stay away for a long time and I start to wonder if it's a real place or if I made it up - if maybe I would go into the airport tomorrow and I'd ask to go back to Minnesota and they'd look at me like I was crazy and they'd say, 'Minnesota? You didn't know? That's not a real state. That's, that's a mythical state.' And I'd say, 'No, all my friends are there, my house is there, my family is there, the women I love - when she comes over - she's going to meet me there. That's not mythical!' And they'd look at me and smile and they'd say, 'I know. It really seems real doesn't it? It's the power of the imagination.' I'd say 'No, I just want a ticket.' They'd say, 'Really, believe us. Believe us.' "

- Garrison Keillor

2002-09-27T13:46:00.000-04:00

- Ah, Friday -

So, it's been quite an exciting Friday. First, there was another person at the bus stop, so instead of hanging with Anne Steele, I talked with an art student about the differences between NY and NC and what she thought of high school here. She's looking forward to graduating and I remembered how thankful I am that high school will never re-enter my life. Then there was coffee with Kristen and casual chatter. Later I had lunch with Jessica the mighty dulcimer player (who will laugh if she ever comes across this description!) and a few of her friends. Now, ironically, Kristen is at my house and I am still at the university trying to make a dent in this various piles so I can *finally* dust this desk!

2002-09-25T13:37:00.000-04:00

- Autumn -

David has a great post today about the joys of autumn. I've actually been trying to work out my thoughts on the subject and here's my feeble attempt to voice them.

I think it's the quickness of Autumn that moves me so greatly. There are hints and signs that things will soon change then all of a sudden everything explodes into color...and then it's gone like it was never there – but it's not a forlorn and forsaken exit because winter is full of fires, great literature, sweaters & trench coats, visits with family, and time to enjoy the year’s labors. Summer is hectic. There are always big plans to be made and fulfilled, trips to plan, adventures in which to partake. Spring is filled with signs of new beginnings and, though this is a bit cliché, I do like this season second best. Winter is a time to rest and reflex while the world is still and waiting.

But in Autumn, everything is awake. I wait for this period through all of summer’s hazy days. I wait for the whipping wind to chill my neck, to pull out all my woolen clothes, to make pots of tea, to stay at home with a blanket 'round my knees. Everything else prepares to sleep, except for me - something in me awakes, my thoughts become clear, my ambitions sane, and hopes restored. I want the wind to blow hard. I want sudden storms. I want to hear the stomping of a dance floor, to see the mountains aflame, feel the leaves as they shatter under my feet, taste fresh pressed cider, smell the lingering cold as my hands warm by the fire. I want to be shaken out of my season of slumber. I want to live and live fully.

And perhaps the final end will be like autumn. When the trumpet sounds, I’m sure there will first be the joy of ending. There won’t be slow growth, but mighty gusts that are terrifying at times. There won’t be subdued color, but awe-ful majesty. There will be the hope of raptured greetings and unending rest soon to come. It will not be peaceful, but it will not be awesome, swell, or neat – but a mighty good.

So, yeah….Autumn is my favorite.

Peace.

2002-09-25T11:48:00.000-04:00

- A Productive Night -

I tried out Joel's recipe for Cream of Sweet Potato Soup. It's quite good though I think I'll add some garlic next time. (You're taking notes, right?) ;o)

I also found a melody for one of Anne Steele's hymns that I posted part of earlier. (Though it's a little pointless to post this here, because there is no way for you all to listen.) I think writing music to old hymns is my favorite musical striving because, though lyrically they have a depth that I am incapable of re-creating, I find I can bring out part of that depth with song - at least for this generation. Also, there is the hope that they could be useful to the church at large, though it's only a small contribution.

2002-09-24T16:23:00.000-04:00

- Oh dear... -

What movie symbolism are you? find out!

Thanks to BopBop

2002-09-24T14:45:00.000-04:00

- Huh -

Google seems to think that I am one of the worlds top authorities on JK Rowlings' court case. Who'd'a thunk it? (Eh...you don't need to answer that!)

2002-09-24T11:25:00.000-04:00

- From Henry F. Lyte's Jesus, I My Cross Have Taken -

Take, my soul, thy full salvation;
Rise o’er sin, and fear, and care;
Joy to find in every station
Something still to do or bear:
Think what Spirit dwells within thee;
Thinks what a Father’s smile is thine;
Think what a Savior died to win thee,
Child of heaven, shouldst thou repine?

Haste then on from grace to glory,
Armed by faith, and winged by prayer,
Heaven’s eternal day’s before thee,
God’s own hand shall guide thee there.
Soon shall close thy earthly mission,
Swift shall pass thy pilgrim days;
Hope soon change to glad fruition,
Faith to sight, and prayer to praise.
. . .

I've been thinking about the words "soon" & "swift." I can sing those at 24 even though my my Lifemeter says I have 65 1/2 more years to go. Once my youngest cousin can speak, she'll be able to sing this. (She's currently about 20 months.) My grandmother can join in as well. I'm striving to keep this always in mind that my hope doesn't lay in earthly treasures - To enjoy earthly things - by all means, yes! - but not to find my comfort in them.

"Soon shall close thy earthly mission..." This is true for all three of us and that's kinda neat.

2002-09-23T09:58:00.000-04:00

- Survey Says... -

IF YOU COULD BUILD A HOUSE ANYWHERE, WHERE WOULD IT BE? Overlooking the Blueridge Parkway, but I would really prefer to have someone else do the actual construction. I can shingle a roof...that's about it.
WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ARTICLE OF CLOTHING? Wool "European" sweaters, long oversized coats, think scarves and quirky shoes. (Note - I somehow was born in the south!)
WHAT'S THE LAST CD THAT YOU BOUGHT? Christopher Miner's The Calm of Paradise
WHERE'S YOUR FAVORITE PLACE TO BE? In the garage... No, seriously, I would chose one of the following - sitting outside on a porch swing or a rocking chair (it's good to stay mobile); pacing the downtown streets alone or with a couple others; at my parents' farmhouse; in my room with a good book, candles burning and lanterns glowing.
WHERE'S YOUR LEAST FAVORITE PLACE TO BE? Anywhere crowded and loud.
WHAT TIME DO YOU WAKE UP? Naturally? Around 10 a.m. (considering I'm getting enough sleep in general). Really? Around 6:30 a.m.
WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE KITCHEN APPLIANCE? My Zyliss Nut & Vegetable grater.
WHAT MAKES YOU REALLY ANGRY? My own forgetfulness & the misunderstandings that come from it.
IF YOU COULD PLAY ANY INSTRUMENT, WHAT WOULD IT BE? Piano, hammer dulcimer, fiddle.
FAVORITE COLOR? Brown, Green, Grey, Black.
DO YOU BELIEVE IN AFTERLIFE? With all my heart.
FAVORITE CHILDREN'S BOOK? The Secret Garden (Frances Hodgson Burnett).
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON? Autumn
WHAT'S YOUR LEAST FAVORITE HOUSEHOLD CHORE? Bathrooms.
IF YOU COULD HAVE ONE SUPER POWER, WHAT WOULD IT BE? Scary, very scary....
IF YOU HAVE A TATTOO, WHAT IS IT? An alligator on my left ankle....none. I don't like needles
CAN YOU JUGGLE? Only when I'm lucky...
PERSON FROM YOUR PAST YOU WISH YOU COULD TALK TO? My grandfather
WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE DAY? Fridays are fun, but cliché. I actually don't think I have a preference.
WHAT'S IN THE TRUNK OF YOUR CAR? Windshield wiper fluid, a empty gas container, various cleaning supplies, a bag of trash, a calendar, jumper cables, a cooler, pillows, a little dust, a spare tire, carpet. I think that's all!
WHICH DO YOU PREFER, SUSHI OR HAMBURGER? Hamburger, plain and simple. I'll eat sushi, but I prefer the hamburger.

Taken from Jessie (& Kristen)

2002-09-22T21:27:00.000-04:00

- I'm Just The Messenger! -

Kristen had the misfortune of informing me tonight that my Arabic hymn is, alas, not original - it's a Middle Eastern version of "Approach My Soul The Mercy Seat." Funny? Yes. Painful? Extremely.

Ah well, it's all part of the risk we take in trying to create - not the end of the world, but disappointing just the same. At least Kristen is sympathetic bearer of bad news!

2002-09-21T01:15:00.000-04:00

- Lost Recollections -

Anyone remember a 90's indie band who wrote a song about a girl who always dressed in beige?

2002-09-20T14:07:00.000-04:00

- Of Thermodynamics & Bloggers -

I've decided that Joel's blog needs to be noted here so it is not missed in the list below. It's a good one.

2002-09-20T12:13:00.000-04:00

- The Fanatic In Us All -

Nancy Stouffer's case against JK Rowlings is thrown out of court. Stouffer also must pay $50,000 for submitting false evidence.
Book V (Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix) is still coming though everyone is now refusing to give an estimated date. However, it is rumored to be as long as Goblet of Fire
Rowling is expecting her second child.

Thanks to the Leaky Caudron, the location of any and all Harry Potter news.

2002-09-20T11:36:00.000-04:00

- Brilliance -

You have to love it when you've been saying for a year's time that there is a problem a certain pattern of workflow, but have been told for a year's time there's nothing we can do about it. Then suddenly the fates align, what has been a constant problem becomes a disaster. I'm then informed that there is a problem and from now we will implement this new policy to avoid a new disaster. Only problem is the "solution" will not solve anything because it's the same thing we've been doing all along! If the people actually doing the job were listened to when suggesting opinions, the work might flow a little smoother - and we might not feel so bottom of the barrel! Maybe I should write a book 13 Ways To Hang Onto Your Employees or I Love My Job - 21 Not So Secret Ways To Keep The Workers Happy. Sheesh.

2002-09-20T09:08:00.000-04:00

- Wisdom from George Eliot's Middlemarch -

"If you come to religion, it seems to me a man shouldn't want to carve our his meat to an ounce beforehand - one must trust a little to Providence and be generous."

- Mr. Vincy
. . .

"Oh, I have an easy life - by comparision. I have tried being a teacher, but I am not fit for that: my mind is too fond or wandering on its own way. I think any hardship is better than pretending to do what one is paid for, and never really doing it. Everything here I can do as well as any one else could; perhaps better than some."

- Mary Garth

2002-09-19T13:11:00.000-04:00

- From Hymn XIV on The Favor of God, the only satisfying good -

Begone, ye guilded vanities;
I seek some solid good;
To real bliss my wishes rise,
The favour of my God.
(Anne Steele)

Am I overdoing this Anne Steele thing? I hope not. I just have found her writing very...good. Good not as in something trite, but something very weighty and satisfying.

2002-09-19T09:30:00.000-04:00

- From Hymn IV on Redeeming Love-

O the rich depths of love divine!
Of bliss, a boundless store:
Dear Saviour, let me call thee mine;
I cannot wish for more.

( Anne Steele )

2002-09-19T09:25:00.000-04:00

- The Exits Are Located... -

Today, while walking to the bus, I ran into a man directing airtraffic in our parking lot - complete with the brown jumper. The government has repeatively asked that we report anything suspicious, but - seeing how our parking lot is so overcrowded that it's almost impossible to drive a car through it - I'll assume he was just practicing for his job or CAP.

2002-09-18T11:48:00.000-04:00

- A Rural Meditation -

( Anne Steele )

What soft delight the peaceful bosom warms,
When nature dressed in all her vernal charms
Around the beauteous landscape smiles serene,
And crowns with every gift the lovely scene!
In every gift the donor shines confessed,
And heavenly bounty cheers the grateful breast.
Now lively verdure paints the laughing meads,
And o'er the fields wide-waving plenty spreads.
Here woodbines climb, dispensing odours round;
There smiles the pink, with humble beauties crown'd,
And while the flowers their various charms disclose,
Queen of the garden, shines the blushing rose.
The fragrant tribes display their sweetest bloom,
And every breezy whisper breathes perfume.

But this delightful season must decay;
The year rolls on and steals its charms away,
How swift the gaily transient pleasure flies!
Stern winter comes, and every beauty dies.
The fleeting bliss while pensive thought deplores
The mind in search of nobler pleasure soars;
And seeks a fairer paradise on high,
Where beauties rise and bloom, that never die.
There winter ne'er invades with hostile arms,
But everlasting spring displays her charms;
Celestial fragrance fills the blest retreats,
Unknown to earth in all her flowery sweets.
Enraptur'd, there the mind unwearied roves
Through flowery paths, and ever-verdant groves;
Such blissful groves not happy Eden knew,
Nor fancy's boldest pencil ever drew.
No sun departing, leaves the scene to mourn
In shades, and languish for his kind return;
Or with short visits cheers the wintry hours,
And faintly smiles on nature's drooping powers.
But there the Deity himself displays
The bright effulgence of his glorious rays;
Immortal life and joy his smile bestows,
And boundless bliss for ever, ever flows.

2002-09-17T13:48:00.000-04:00

- Anne Steele -

The Cyber Hymnal has a brief biography here.

LORD, how mysterious are thy ways!
How blind are we! How mean our praise!
Thy steps can mortal eyes explore?
'Tis ours to wonder and adore.

Thy deep decrees from creature-sight
Are hid in shades of awful night;
Amid the lines, with curious eye,
Not angel minds presume to pry.

Great God, I would not ask to see
What in futurity shall be;
If light and bliss attend my days,
Then let my future hours be praise.

Is darkness and distress my share?
Then let me trust thy guardian care;
Enough for me, if love divine
At length through every cloud shall shine.

Yet this my soul desires to know,
Be this my only with below,
"That Christ is mine!"-this great request
Grant, bounteous God,-and I am blest.

2002-09-17T11:05:00.000-04:00

- I've often been told that you only can do what you know how to do well -

I have decided that I don't like fingerpicking. I enjoy listening to it, but I don't like playing it. It may have something to do with carpel tunnel though... My fingers just feel stiff and immoble.

2002-09-17T09:13:00.000-04:00

- The Sands of Time -

Rick this link stolen from Barlow which estimates your life expectancy. According to the site, I should live until 90. If I modify my health, lifestyle, diet and environment I could live to be 102. At this rate, I should die on Wednesday November 09, 2067 at 9:07:35 AM. That seems more than long enough. I honestly don't think I want to live until 2079. I was already born way after my time!

2002-09-16T16:53:00.000-04:00

- Quote du jour -

"When we use words like stupendous to describe laundry detergent, how can words have meaning anymore?"

- Marva Dawn

2002-09-16T15:35:00.000-04:00

- I don't understand -

For a while there, I was writing country tunes. Though I don't think that phase is over, I'm playing around with a Middle Eastern melody. Actually, it's a minor Middle Eastern tune mixed in with a Western major melody. I honestly don't know where this stuff comes from. I like it though.

It is to the words of Jerusalem the Golden [Bernard of Morlaix, 1146].

2002-09-16T09:41:00.000-04:00

- Jesus Sought me When a Stranger -

Lately whenever anyone is trying to prove that hymns can be pretty complicated for the mass especially because of the vocabulary they utilize, the speaker most often uses the rhetorical question "What is an Ebenezer anyway?" I've...eh...been planning to call my album "Ebenezer" for quite a while now.

The irony is that the term is both used and defined in "Come Thou Fount."

Here I raise my Ebenezer hither by thy help I've come.

Anyway, I've have decided that it's time to define Ebenezer. The term is used thrice in 1 Samuel 4:1, 5:1, & 7:12, though the last is the most often used. In brief, the Ark of the Covenant had been taken from Israel into the land of the Philistines - a sign of judgment against God's people. Being more than they had bargained for, the Philistines had returned it to Israel in fear. The Israelites then gathered together to worship God, plead for his mercy and to rid themselves of their idols. The Philistines heard that the Israelites were gathered together and gathered themselves to defeat Israel. However, though greatly afraid, the Israelites were victorious. Recognizing that they were victors by God's mercy alone, they set up a memorial and called it "Ebenezer" which means, "Thus far the LORD has helped us." The memorial was to remind them of God's aid once time had made the miraculous common again.

So, though not a life or death situation, this album has been a sign of God's faithfulness to me. My logic has said that it's impossible yet it keeps coming together and better than I could have imagined with many things miraculous. Maybe when it's all done, I'll chart it out, but for now I leave it vague. My hope is that I will still look on this project in the years to come (whether it is my only album or just my first) with the thought "Thus far has God helped me" and to remember that, if he has led me thus far, then he will continue to lead me into glory.

[One more note - "Ebenezer" is also the title of the tune we most often recognize as "O the Deep, Deep Love of Jesus." Just thought you'd like to know.]

2002-09-16T09:04:00.000-04:00

- Timeless? -

Two vistors were up in my now much cleaner room. "Jamie," one remarked, "your room is so, so..."

"Nostalgic?" I suggested.

"Yeah, that's the word."

2002-09-15T21:12:00.000-04:00

- O Day of Rest and Gladness -

O day of rest and gladness, of day of joy and light,
O balm of care and sadness, most beautiful, most bright:
On Thee, the high and lowly, through ages joined in tune,
Sing holy, holy, holy, to the great God Triune.

On Thee, at the creation, the light first had its birth;
On Thee, for our salvation, Christ rose from depths of earth;
On Thee, our Lord, victorious, the Spirit sent from heaven,
And thus on Thee, most glorious, a triple light was given.

Thou art a port protected from storms that round us rise;
A garden intersected with streams of paradise;
Thou art a cooling fountain in life’s dry dreary sand;
From Thee, like Pisgah’s mountain, we view our promised land.

Today on weary nations the heavenly manna falls;
To holy convocations the silver trumpet calls,
Where Gospel light is glowing with pure and radiant beams,
And living water flowing, with soul refreshing streams.

New graces ever gaining from this our day of rest,
We reach the rest remaining to spirits of the blessed.
To Holy Ghost be praises, to Father, and to Son;
The church her voice upraises to Thee, blessed Three in One.

Christopher Wordsworth, 1862

(Though I risk sounding a bit dumb, does anyone know which Pisgah, Wordsworth is speaking of?)

2002-09-13T09:14:00.000-04:00

- Atlantic Monthly with Philip Jenkins -

I am supposed to read this article which I have not read as of yet. This post is mainly for my person benefit. Apologies.

2002-09-13T09:07:00.000-04:00

- From "Jesus, With Thy Church Abide" -

Keep her life and doctrine pure,
Help her, patient, to endure,
Trusting in Thy promise sure:
We beseech Thee, hear us.

All her fettered powers release
Bid our strife and envy cease,
Grant the heav’nly gift of peace:
We beseech Thee, hear us.

May she guide the poor and blind,
Seek the lost until she find,
And the broken hearted bind:
We beseech Thee, hear us.

[ link ]

2002-09-13T09:02:00.000-04:00

- Sacraments -

In the PCA BCO, it states that the church cannot suspend someone from the sacraments for a definite length of time - it must always be indefinitely. Seeing as the Lord's table is one for wretched sinners and not the righteous, this makes a lot of sense.

2002-09-12T15:13:00.000-04:00

- By George, she's got it! -

I finally can answer the question "So, how long have you played guitar?" I've played guitar for nine years. I just felt like I had to work that out right now, but feel free to check my math since it is definitely NOT my forte. I started in August of 1993. My first guitar only had three strings because the tuning pegs were broken, but it was a good deal at $25.